Everyone is doing these end of the year-posts, so I decided to look back a little too. Yeah, I’m a regular sheep following the herd…
This time last year I was waiting anxiously to hear from Dreamspinner Press about my anthology submission. It was nervewrecking, mainly because I loved the story, Auld Lang Syne, and it was my first foray into what I knew I wanted to write: original M/M-fiction.
As some of you know by now, the story didn’t make it into the anthology, instead Dreamspinner wanted it separately, and the novella is out there on it’s own. I still remember the feeling of getting that email, by the way, early in 2011, saying they wanted it. It was all so worth it…
Incidentally my first published work was a M/M/F-short story for another publisher, Summerhouse Publishing. An online acquaintance had founded a publishing company and I had a story. It ended up published, and even though I’ve since fallen out with Summerhouse, I don’t regret sending them The Double Ds.
At the end of the year 2011, I have met the goal I set myself way back in ancient history: I have had a novel published. By Any Other Name is a decent first try and I know many people have liked, even loved it. It’s not my favorite thing of what I’ve written and I see faults in it, but it is a decent book with a LOT of things in it that I still managed to make mine. I wanted to write a different book about abuse and a menage-relationship, and I think those boys pulled it off just fine.
I’m also pretty happy with the other things I have out there by now, all of which you can see on my Goodreads page in case you’re wondering.
All the while I’ve been writing, all through 2011, I’ve been also battling some personal issues, the main one has been depression, the “friend” that has been following me for most of my adult life.
During 2011 I’ve made a lot of new friends, resurrected some old friendships (to a point) and I’ve certainly erased some people from my life (some of them repeatedly, because I’m a sucker for punishment…). I’ve learned that your time is limited, you’ll not life forever, and so you should try to surround yourself with people you actually like. If someone makes you feel bad or evokes negative feelings, they should go, no matter who they are. Nobody is worth making you feel bad.
All in all, 2011 has been a decent year. I feel like I can maybe learn from my mistakes and failures or things I perceive as either, like selling my beloved stallion who was stressing me out and going to waste being a yard ornament, or having a person I once considered a friend make me feel like crap all the time because of their social inaptitude and general obliviousness to other people’s feelings. Oh and never mind the so called gay porn “star” and his antics, that was “fun” too.
Getting into those situations and letting them bother me as much as they did were failures and mistakes for sure. But I think I’ve learned from them. Now I’m tougher. Again.
The positive of 2011 is that I’m an author now. If I die tomorrow, the people left behind can call me an author. That’s what matters to me. This is what I always wanted to be, This is what I didn’t think would happen, or at least I needed a miracle. Well guess what. Miracles do happen.
I think that my usual “I will not make New Year’s resolutions!”-mantra will be effective this year too, but at least my first thought when the year is changing won’t be “I will survive one more year.” like it has been for so many years. I have some living to do, surviving won’t cut it anymore.
Happy New Year and have a much better 2012, everyone!
(Oh and keep your eyes open, because there will be more stories out there from yours truly soon enough, starting from January 25th. I’m not going anywhere.)